we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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