So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
