Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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