That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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