Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
