I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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