One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
