i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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