I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
