is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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