Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
