You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
