did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
