Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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