So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
