Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
