I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
