My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
