shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
