I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I had to cum in my sink.
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