dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
