i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You can't motorboat a personality
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
