Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
