My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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