I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
