Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
