Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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