Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
