Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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