Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
