the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
