I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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