Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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