i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
