"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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