I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
