i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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