well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
