u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
