If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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