you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
