I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
