Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
