Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
