He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
