it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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