I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
