he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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