And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
