just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
