you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
